PMS! What kind of punishment is this!!!!!????

  Thanks a lot Eve, you selfish biatch!  Thanks to you ALL women must now suffer the monthly curse for most of our lives.  HA!  Not that all the gross stuff isn't bad enough...NO I won't go into details anyone that reads this I'm sho is grown enough to know.  BUT the freaking PMS....are you freaking kidding me!!!  Not real sure about what flies in our legal system as to how to get out of some prison time or the like.  But any woman that has bad PMS knows this should be a total pardon.  I would be willing to bet most of the females in prison that done killed a nikka were PMSing and whomever got whacked probably did something like ....sit a glass on the coffee table without a coaster or lay on the bed just after she made it...I would put some serious dough on this!!
  The rage that we can feel during this time is FAR from normal, not to mention the roller coaster ride of emotions that hit us.  And to go from wanted to cut someone (OH CALM DOWN a lil flesh wound never hurt anyone) to crying during the Today show when Anne Curry is being welcome on as the new co-host...and  btw I never liked Meridith anyway so BEAT IT....besides the point I mean WTF is that??!?!?  Seriously, my friends all want to take a week vacation minimum from me when I hit this point of the month. 
   I would love for any man to have to go through this, just for a month so they might understand when we literally GO CRAZY....you think we actually want to act like an emotional, rage filled, total BIATCH....HELL no it's just as miserable for us as those in our pathway of destruction.  Never knowing what will emotion we will go through next!  So gentlemen when ya boo start acting up, give her a break!  Go to CVS get some Kleenex, chocolate, chips or something salty, Midol, and most important clear the crib of ANYTHING that could be used as a weapon.   Just lay low and basically disappear till this passes.  Trust me it's much better this way...no one get's physically hurt and you don't think bout putting ya boo in a straight jacket.

Don't Ker- BottleBlonde

Headlights, Peeing, and the MAVS!

Let's talk about headlights.  Remembering to get a new headlight is like trying to remember to get new windshield wipers.  You only remember your wipers suck when it rains.  And you only remember you need a new headlight when it's 1AM, you've been drinking watching the MAVS win, you have forgotten your license, AND your registration is expired.  The entire ride home I'm trying to think how I'm going to talk my way out of this one.  I have talked myself out of a ticket since I was 19.  I take pride in this.  I do not get tickets.  FYI- I did not get pulled over.  But blah blah blah, my point is, remembering to buy a headlight is near impossible.  My headlight has been out for over a month, and yes, my windshield wipers have been just smearing water for at least 6 months.  Car maintenance is annoying.  I do change my oil- don't start judging completely- but it's just so annoying.  It's also like peeing.  Peeing is the biggest waste of time.  I am busy.  And it never fails, NEVER, that when I walk into Hobby Lobby I have to pee.  I am on a roll, running errands, getting things done, then suddenly your coffee has kicked in and is ready to evacuate immediately.  Taking the time to find a bathroom, go to the bathroom, then get back to what you were doing is just obnoxious.

What is that one thing that just annoys because it's a waste of time.

Dont ker- BrownRoots

Since When Are You a Mavs Fan?

  Go MAVS!  Have to cheer our team on first of all.  Don't you just love those people who all the sudden during the finals, playoffs, etc. they instantly become involved in sports.  Now I cannot lie I could give a rat's arce about basketball, I am more of a football and baseball fan.  Yes of course, I have been watching them play in finals... BUT do I feel the need to become Mrs. Maverick, NO I DO NOT.  Just when prompted by others do I even bring up the Mavs or occassionally I will comment oh yeah good game last night.  And that's it, because honestly I just don't care, it's not my sport.
  Now let me tell you about the typcial instant fan.  One day this boughey chick starts ranting and raving about the mavs to the point of where she is imitating Dirk's shooting stance...OK now WHAT?  Wait a minute you don't even watch sports not EVER!  Maybe if there was some interesting reality show about them, yeah then maybe you might but No....NO MA'AM you don't know the first thing about sports.  But, yet you feel the need to harrass everyone about wearing the Mavs colors on game days?????  Yeah right!!! Like you would EVER wear any Mav gear, well only if they sell it at Sak's or Neimans then MAYBE and only then would you even consider wearing it.
  As if this isn't bad enough, I don't think this chick has even seen ONE game the whole season until the Mavs got into the finals.  I tell you it is pure entertainment and trust me I am not the only person that recognizes this instant Mavs fan obession.  It is SUCH the Dallas thing to do OMG.....way to be a douche....good job you got that part covered fo sho! 
  Well ok I am over it and I can't wait till the finals are over so this chick will shut the hell up and go back to talking about all the other boughey non-important shit she poisons are minds with on a daily basis.  God forbid there wasn't a reality show on, I honestly don't know what she would do...........HUMAN CONTACT?????   MAYBE??????  OMG????? WHAT THE F*** is THAT??????  

Hope the Mavs pull it off tonight......

Dont Ker-BottleBlonde

Fortune Teller Cookie

    Well last night I went to see my friend, we will call her Bear.  Met her through one of my homies a couple of years ago, love this chick we been through a lot together.  She just moved into a house on the East side of town.  Which from her description I'm thinking did you move to the hood or what?  So left the gym headed over while using my Iphone google map to get there (not really safe in traffic.) It turns out to be a cute little gated neighboorhood, I want to move there now!  Though it is surrounded by a nut house and cemetery....LOL 
    I enter the gates and check out the hood, SUPER cute David Weekly homes.  I get to her place and get the grand tour while we catch up, haven't seen her in a bit.  She is telling me about the move process....OMG I HATE moving so I feel her pain.  Her boyfriend gets home and we decide to go to Pei Wei for dinner.  Get to Pei Wei and I am eye-balling the menu trying my VERY best not to eat like a fatarce (oh and I'm vegetarian btw.)  I finally decide and order some kind of stir-fry thingy and of course I scarf it down the ONLY way I know how to eat. Oh wait!!!! I forget to tell you about the fascinating fountain drink machine!!!  So they have this new computerized machine that has at least 20 selections of sodas and you can mix and match them, all controlled on a touch screen...I was AMAZED.  Ok so I know it doesn't take much to impress me, I KNOW THIS!
     So we chit chat finish our meal and her boyfriend goes to get us fortune cookies.  And he hands them to us, I eventually open mine and it says, "An unexpected relationship will become permanent."  WTF...and yes I saved it I know, what a douche.  So my mind starts racing, what relationship?  Who? Work? Personal? My Hairstylist?  Manicurist??  What! What! Man tell me!!  I just don't know, and how soon? So many questions!!!!  We leave the restaurant follow up with some yogurt, which I seriously could eat every day!  And of course I am STILL thinking about the unexpected relationship.   My point is here isn't it funny how some of us (OK ME) get so wrapped up in something that in all actually means nothing.  Though meant for novelty I suppose, I didn't really do my research on the origin of them or anything...I got home late OK!  Anyway, I spent at least a good hour or so trying to solve the fortune teller cookie mystery.  And yet nothing, I got nothing....lol
   Now if it comes true I will have a TOTAL different viewpoint....lol  But, you have to appreciate the little things like that in life that keep your mind off ALL the stressful stuff at least for a minute, hour, or whatever.  Have to appreciate the little things, people FO REALS!!! 

Don't laugh on this one but I SO plan on playing the "Lucky Numbers" on the fortune cookie wrapper for for the next lotto too....HA!

DON'T STEAL MY LOTTO NUMBERS EITHA!!!!

Dont Ker-BottleBlonde

Bad Jessica!

I would like to introduce Joey.  Joe, Joester, Joseph, Joe Joe, Lil Man, Lil Guy, Lil Joe... He has a lot of nick names.  It was time for Lil Joe to get his buttas whipped, that means get his hair done, aka go to the groomers.  I usually take him to the always faithful PetSmart.  Never.Again.  NEVER.AGAIN. 

It started out a weird day anyway. I woke up and couldn't move my neck, sharp pain, I wanted to die.  Alas, life must go on.  Joseph had an appointment around noon so I somehow got him to PetSmart.  I couldn't move my head side to side because of the pain.  Hint- do not drive if you cannot move your head side to side.  We get there safely, Praise Him.  

I walk into the grooming section to check Joe Joe in and an unfriendly groomer asked for my info and what I would like to be done to Joe that day.  Ok time for a confession.  It had been a good 6 months since I last had Lil Guy groomed.  Judge me if you want, he was fine. And I understand his hair gets very matted.  Again, he was fine.  I say can we do the normal (they save what they do each time in his profile).  She checked his ears for mats and informed me she would be shaving his ears.  I said, yes, shave the mats off, I understand.  She said "no, his whole ear".  I said "no, just the mats please."  She said "there are mats on his ears I will have to shave the whole ear."  I said "ok, I understand there are mats, you can shave the mats off and leave the rest.  Every time I come here someone has to shave his ears a little but they leave the rest"  She said "ok." I knew at that instant I should have requested a new groomer.  I did not have the patience to continue to argue and I was so uncomfortable with my neck I just had to leave.

I go to pick up Joe.  HIS EARS ARE COMPLETELY SHAVED LIKE A LAB.  I was mortified!  

I said "his ears are shaved? like they're shaved completely off, shih-tzus do NOT have shaved ears!" She said "I informed you prior to your appointment I would need to shave his ears"  I asked what her name was and walked out.  BAD JESSICA!  Who does this to a poor dog. 

Before

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Dont Ker- BrownRoots

Hello My Name is....

Hola Peeps!

Welcome to BlonHairDontKer!  I would like to introduce myself I am BottleBlonde and my co-author and also happens to be my bestie BrownRoots, we run this blog.  And.......we would like to invite you to follow us through our day to day lives. The whole purpose for this blog is to share what we experience in our day to day lives as beautiful blondes aka blondes bias....lol  We will share random thoughts, funny stories, fashion trends, fav things, and lord only knows what else.  So please follow us on our journey cause we have BlonHairDontKer!!!!

Dont Ker-BottleBlonde